Expert cricketers present, a complete guide on how to lose a Test match and keep losing in alien conditions. With special chapters on batting failure, losing in 2,3 and 4 days and playing with age.
(All images are for representational purposes only)(Images courtesy: AFP, AP and shoddy form)
Start from the top - Let the hype build around you. Become the favourites. Remember, no achievement in losing from a lost cause. Falling from the top creates the loudest thud!
Study the newbies. Target them and let them shine. From the Bairstows to the Pattinson's, allow all to intimidate. The world will always think it's more of their talent and less of your folly.
Fail to adapt. Conditions outside home venues can be testing. Make them (not) count. (Especially useful as a statement in press conferences after achieving the desired goal).
Get injured if possible. Try and try till you succeed. This method combines the benefits of staying out and making wins more difficult, in one easy step.
Collapse in a heap. Best when rest is required before 5 days of a Test. The rate of collapse depends on the number of days in which a Test is desired to be awarded to the opposition.
Give an ear-full to the opposition batsman with the maximum potential to slaughter your bowlers. Executed perfectly by some bowlers in Perth recently.
Learn about the strengths of the opposition. And play to it. No one likes to talk of weakness, so pretend the enemy has none. Ignorance is bliss.
Have fun. Have as much of it as possible. There is a reason it is called, for example, India's tour of Australia/England and not India's matches in Australia/England. Do the touring!
Be rigid. Be firm. A life without principles is a life wasted. So, stay firm to not rotate players. Stay rigid on retaining players not performing. Pay tribute to past laurels, records and achievements.
If all explained here is followed to the hilt, losing one Test will be a thing of the past. You will discover a 'whitewashed' view on the sport as we know it. The world will talk of you and every other team will want to have you over. Try it. All the best.
Jan 24 2012,05:30 (IST)
Jan 13 2012,08:00 (IST)
Jan 03 2012,05:00 (IST)
Dec 26 2011,05:00 (IST)